i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
