Pappa wants mamma naked
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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