Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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