Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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