I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
