i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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