grandma shit on top of the toilet
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
