You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
