I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
