A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
