When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
