i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
