my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
