she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
