Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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