I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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