I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
