I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
