Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
