i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
