And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
