You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
