How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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