My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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