my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
