he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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