it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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