Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
