I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
