I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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