I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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