hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
