she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
