i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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