chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A+ Viking dick
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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