I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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