We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
