mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dignity is for republicans.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
