ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
