Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
