I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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