apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
