It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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