That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
