every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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