How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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