I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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