They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
