Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
