just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
