If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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