Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
